Moving like music

cosmetic_xx @ 2008-08-11T00:26:00

2008-08-11T07:49:40Z

Everytime I see Ronnie I still get a little shakey..

I no longer get those butterflies, but I do smile. Mainly because every time he sees me, I know he wants me. And now, he can't have me. I can tease him all I want and it drives him nuts because he can't have me now. I love smiling at him. Feeling him staring me when I'm working in Box. He's crazy... completely psychotic.. but I love playing along...

As much I love him, I've finally realized that I'm not IN love with him anymore. I was just holding onto memories that were all fake to begin with anymore. We'll always have that connection though. Thats what will suck about it.

I have these feelings growing more and more for Steven. I hate it. And he's pushing me to them. Calling me when he's drunk, telling me things when his guard is down. Telling me to come spend a week at his house. I'm trying to ignore these feelings with every ounce of my soul because I can't do this again. Ronnie completely broke me down. I haven't even built myself back up yet....

Sometimes I just get so sad... and then people get mad at me when they ask whats wrong and I say "nothing". They get mad because they know somethings wrong but I don't want to tell people that I don't have time to tell them whats wrong. Life is what's wrong with me. My parents. The way my two best friends act. How I've lost all my friends from High School. Everything with Ronnie.. he ruined my life completely.. There are a lot of things that I just sit and think about sometimes... and I just get so sad...

cosmetic_xx @ 2008-08-07T09:27:00

2008-08-07T09:27:46Z

Claudia and Anna make me upset.... I love Ronnie... and I know our relationship is fucked up and dysfunctional.. but if we were truly not supposed to talk or see each other, wouldn't I just say no to him?

Claudia was head over hills for Anna when they first met. And Anna used to treat her like SHIT and she cheated on her TWICE. Then magically Anna realized that she was in love with Claudia and they've been engaged for two years now. She acts like Anna was just perfect maiden, fair and sweet waiting for her. Ronnie is just like how Anna USED to be. Cheating, lying, not appreciating. I know he loves me. He knows he loves me. It just takes some people longer than others to get there act together.

Look at David... if I would have held on for 4 more months I could have had him back and been happier than ever right now. He is completely sprung on me.... but I let go and the feelings were gone when he was trying to win me back... I'll never forgive my self for giving up...

I guess thats why I left Ronnie treat me the way he does... he'll get his act together someday... I hope & I pray.

lol

2008-01-12T02:08:20Z

my granmda is funny
she called to wish me a happy birthday a little while ago
& told me not to bring her any grand babies next year
she also said not to drink too much tonight

i told my dad that grandma gave me permission to drink
but not too much lol

wicked.

cosmetic_xx @ 2008-01-11T08:41:00

2008-01-11T16:44:12Z

Happy 18th birthday to me!!

:]

STAR TREK!!!!!

2007-11-16T05:40:22Z

IN HD & ON THE BIG SCREEN WAS AWESOME!!!!!
it looked soooo vibrant and just AWESOME!!
im soo fucking glad my job got one of the special showings
so I didnt have to pay for it lol

& damn william shatner looked so sexy in hd colors

Ronnie stopped being dumb I guess
he came and picked me up all day
first he took me to pico rivera, whitter, & then back to class
and then tonight he came and got me so i could see the trek

..... & IT WAS AWESOME!!!!

gah, im so excited I got to see it.

peace&love

cosmetic_xx @ 2007-10-29T01:20:00

2007-10-29T08:20:43Z

this is SO for shannon

i should be sleeping! gah!

cosmetic_xx @ 2007-10-04T06:45:00

2007-10-04T13:46:35Z

I wish I could curl up into a little ball

and just roll away

away from my fears
away from love
away from life
away from here.

cosmetic_xx @ 2007-08-21T23:13:00

2007-08-22T06:14:17Z

I'VE GOT A NEW NUMBER

reply to this for my digits baby loves =]]

Just a reminder.

2007-08-08T02:11:19Z

cosmetic_xx @ 2007-06-29T06:16:00

2007-06-29T13:17:49Z

I'm contemplating whether or not I'm going to stretch my ears
it wouldn't be a lot
i only want a tiny hole
but i'm not sure how it would look on me
and all the same, i'm not really sure that I want it..

cosmetic_xx @ 2007-03-11T23:37:00

2007-03-12T06:38:34Z

more than a year ago this time i was depressed

silly boys

i think it made me a better person.

xx

cosmetic_xx @ 2007-01-27T20:16:00

2007-01-28T04:16:44Z

so i really wanna go see Walls of Jericho
but i've been watching some live vids
.... and im pretty much fuckin terrified of their crowds

...i'm a little too girly for that shit.

xxo

cosmetic_xx @ 2007-01-16T15:45:00

2007-01-16T23:47:41Z

ok, so i'm a filthy liar lol
this is my favorite

and now im just waiting for the other pictures
our ride pics are AMAZING lol

xxo

cosmetic_xx @ 2007-01-11T06:21:00

2007-01-11T14:22:20Z

Thank you to everyone who woke me up at 12 to tell me happy birthday
yes i was sleeping
but no i didnt mind

Today should be a great day
♥

cosmetic_xx @ 2006-12-25T19:47:00

2006-12-26T02:47:45Z

Momma loves her precious ♥

typing with one hand because he loves falling asleep
between my arm and left boob
i guess it's warm? lol

merry christmas to me :)

cosmetic_xx @ 2006-12-24T15:30:00

2006-12-24T22:30:38Z

Dear LJ friends

Merry Xmas Eve
especially to Trin & Lisa
♥

cosmetic_xx @ 2006-12-13T22:23:00

2006-12-14T05:23:06Z

dreamsofXTC: have i told u this b4... if you had a dick...
dreamsofXTC: ..id totally give you head
fizzledwaters: Umm... yeah you have
fizzledwaters: & umm... thnx? lol
fizzledwaters: I mean like, wth do you even say to that?
dreamsofXTC: u say..."damn aimee, id totally suck urs too"
fizzledwaters: Lol, alright then, ditto
dreamsofXTC: i bet yours would be real big dude....
fizzledwaters: Lol. Man, are you high??

**EDIT**
it just occured to me that I should probably state that
my sn= fizzledwaters
lol
okay.
♥

cosmetic_xx @ 2006-12-12T16:19:00

2006-12-12T23:19:44Z

Chilly enough to wear a scarf yesterday
It was wonderful <3

cosmetic_xx @ 2006-12-08T21:43:00

2006-12-09T04:43:18Z

I've been playing this game on melodramtic called Legend of the Green Dragon
it's so freakin hilarious
something like pokemon and FF only not...
of course not because i LOATHE FF games
but yeah

So i got killed in the forest
and so i got sent to the graveyard cos im dead
and so i gotta favors for this demon guy which is basically torment things
and so i went looking for something to tormet

and it usually says something like "insert name here" lunges at you with "insert item here"
and such like that

one of them was Devil in the blue dress lunges at you with alluring promises

that made me laugh so hard
i have no idea why

im such a nerd.

cosmetic_xx @ 2006-11-16T23:01:00

2006-11-17T06:01:48Z

SHANNON!

I miss you :(

I seriously do :(

♥

cosmetic_xx @ 2006-10-25T16:16:00

2006-10-25T23:17:20Z

MINE MINE ALL MINE!
yesss <3

too bad no one will get to see them on
..maybe ;-)
heh <3

cosmetic_xx @ 2006-10-17T15:31:00

2006-10-17T22:34:22Z

ok so.. my journal is friends only for a REASON
because HONESTY is UGLY
and i AM an honest person
I stongly believe in honesty, lies get us nowhere but HURT.
so most of the time when i write entries
i don't look back at them to edit things that might offend
this is the one place where ANYTHING goes
and if you don't think you can handle it
tell me.
i'll take you off the friends list.
If this sounds mean
its not meant to be mean, just informative
and you can't assume ANYTHING

the way you acted makes me question your faith in me

do you speak spanish?

2006-09-13T22:42:37Z

my gran does, but i kinda feel like it might be disrespectful if i ask her this
soo..

what is a ruca?

please and thnx
kk
<3

cosmetic_xx @ 2006-07-20T04:50:00

2006-07-20T11:56:59Z

He was a song
A beautiful Symphony
without words to a Melody
A poem without structure
beauty is chaos
And he is very chaotic...

you know you miss me

because honesty is ugly . . .

2005-04-25T02:05:15Z

FRIENDS ONLY